im about as happy as oj after his trial
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
