There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
