Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
