Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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