You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
