Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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