I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
