And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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