She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
