At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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