You smell like a Billy Joel song
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
