I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
