When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
