i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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