Someone shit on the floor
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
