I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
