Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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