some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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