im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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