areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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