Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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