Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
