Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
