Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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