Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
