I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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