i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
