take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
