I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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