Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
