She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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