next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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