that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
