don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My bed smells like the plague
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
