Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
