I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
