better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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