Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
