she woke up with a sticky ear
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
