windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i love accidental penises.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
