So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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