Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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