Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
