I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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