I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
