im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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