I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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