in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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