My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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