There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
